If only the food was good

A mixture of sunscreen, grease, and sweat dripped down my chin while a plate of nachos rested atop my swelling stomach.  I had never been lazier or more gluttonous in my entire life.  In theory, I loved being able to order food and boat drinks without ever having to leave the comfort of my lounge chair by the pool.  In reality, the food was tasteless, the drinks overpriced, and the situation was far from luxurious. 

The best part of vacationing with my parents in Cabo was the lifestyle; none of us had to cook or clean and we could relax all day.  Like the swim-up pool bar that allowed us to drink and swim, ordering food while lounging breaks social norms by encouraging us to eat while almost lying down.  These acts of rebellion reaffirmed you were on vacation and livin’ the good life.  Poolside lunch ordering allowed laziness to reach new heights.  Despite being able to see the restaurant in front of us, my parents and I usually opted to save the 5 calories needed to walk 100 feet to the restaurant and had our lunch delivered.  While the thought of walking back to our condo to make a decent lunch did cross my mind, I thought I would rather turn into a fat lard than break a sweat.  I love to eat, I love to lie out in the sun, and I love to be pampered.  So, I was the first to be surprised by how unpleasant it was to do all of these things at the same time. 

The concept and experience of ordering and eating food poolside is great.  I relished the fact that I did not have to move for lunch, that I could continue to tan while eating, and see a whale spout as I took my first bite.  The food, however, was absolutely miserable.  Over the course of the week, we unhappily ate dry fish tacos, tough ceviche, a fruit plate with hard fruit and watery cottage cheese, mushy French fries, and the single worst meal I have ever had –nachos.  The chips were soggy, the meat was tasteless, and the cheese suffocated all other ingredients.  My small, lounge chair island became defiled as my greasy fingers stained every corner of my towel. 

If terrible food comes standard with vacation living then I do not want it.  I want creative cuisine. I want my taste buds to be tantalized. I want my senses to be awakened.  If luxury resorts can put a bar in water and create an oasis in the desert, I would at least expect a crisp chip!

The Food is Better than Par

Now that is my kind of golf.  Not only do nearly half of the holes overlook an expansive, untouched white sand beach and whales spouting just beyond the wave break, but there is also a constant ocean breeze that tames the sun.  The ranking of 58^th best course in the world suggests the rigor and quality of the course, but it does not hint at the course’s best feature – the food.  At the slider and smoothie bar at the driving range, I like to have a chorizo, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich and a banana-mango smoothie before teeing off.  Everything is made to order in front of you by professionals who routinely go above and beyond.  I enjoy these pre-golf breakfasts while sunning myself on a cliff that overlooks the entire course while my Dad, the serious golfer, hits the driving range. 

Dad Teeing Off. The green is across the sand and on top of a bluff.

Just a couple of holes later, there is another comfort station. All stations have trail mix, sliced apples with peanut butter and honey, chicken and egg salad, sweet treats, and sodas, but this comfort station specializes in black bean and tortilla soup and Bloody Mary’s, which are appropriate as most tee times are in the early morning.  I like my black bean soup with sour cream and diced chicken.  Looping back by this comfort casita after a few more holes, I often grab a chewy, coconut cookie for the road. 

The back nine is where the really good food hides.  These are also the harder holes, but maybe that is just because I like margaritas and diamante juice more than Bloody Mary’s.  The comfort station for the back nine specializes in tamales and margaritas.  Although an unlikely location, these are some of the better margaritas and the best tamales I have found in Cabo.  The tamales have a high filling to corn meal ratio, are quite moist, and are doused in sauce.  On the second time by this comfort station I like to get a mini popsicle, mango specifically, to enjoy on the long ride to the magnificent, ocean holes.

Mom and Dad

Last, and certainly most deadly, is a mini station balanced on a cliff serving only Diamante juice and trail mix before hole 16.  This classy version of jungle juice is a mix of vodka, pineapple juice, grapefruit seltzer, and simple syrup. The trail mix is not that tasty, but after three drinks and too many holes of golf, I can’t stop myself from popping a piece or two every time I jump back in the cart.

Mango-banana smoothie, chorizo, egg, and cheese breakfast slider, apple slices, black bean soup, Bloody Mary, coconut cookie, mini chocolate bar, tortilla soup, Diet Coke, chicken salad, tamale, margarita, popsicle, trail mix, egg salad, crackers, mixed nuts, and Diamante juice – now, that is what I call a good 18!